Friday, November 7, 2008

A fairy tale

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who received a very important piece of mail.

Dear Princess,

I am the big, bad IRS wolf. You owe me lots of money - $2,199.88 to be exact. You sent me incorrect paperwork and now you have to pay me or I will come and eat you up!

Now the beautiful princess was very surprised and scared of the big, bad wolf. She didn't think it was very nice of him to target her. Although she had sent the wolf incorrect paperwork in 2006, she realized her mistake and sent corrected paperwork. But the big, bad wolf didn't have record of this.

The princess didn't know what to do. She was just one lonely princess, minding her own business. He was a wolf after all and he was very powerful. And even though he made his paperwork so confusing, the princess was smart enough to figure it out. It didn't seem fair to the princess, she had sent the corrected paperwork in but the wolf was still after her. The wolf made her think that maybe she was wrong, maybe she had made another mistake she didn't know about.

So the princess decided to visit her fairy godmother at Jackson Hewitt. Unfortunately, her fairy godmother was only available during specific hours of the day. The princess had to take time off work to see her. And when the princess went during the godmother's open hours, the door was locked. So the princess banged on the door. "Are you open, fairy godmother?" Finally the godmother unlocked the doors and looked into the wolf situation. "Why yes, dear," said the fairy godmother. "It looks like your paperwork was correct. But you should go to the wise wizard at the local IRS office to verify."

So the princess drove her magic carpet to the wise wizard. Only he wasn't at his regular office. He had moved since the last time she visited him three years ago. The princess didn't know where to find him. She decided to visit his sister at the state IRS office. Luckily, the sister was able to give the princess the wizard's address. She drove to his office. But wait, there was a scroll on the door. The wizard had moved offices again! Luckily, he was nice enough leave directions. The princess drove to his new office in a complex of other news offices. She drove her carpet around and around, searching for the wizards office. There were no signs for the new wizard. But the princess was very smart. She drove to the back of the new offices buildings and finally found that sneaky wise wizard.

"Mr. Wise Wizard," she asked. "Do I really have to pay the big, bad wolf? I know I made a mistake but I sent him my corrected paperwork. Lookie here, I have copies."

"Why no, princess," said the wizard. "It looks like you have everything in order. I don't think you have to pay the wolf."

"Oh goodie," said the princess. "You'll tell him to back off, right? You're related to him after all."

"Oh no," said the wizard, "You must call or mail him yourself. It would be too much effort for me to do it. I'm busy just sitting here and I have to be ready should someone else be lucky enough to find my office. I know my waiting room is empty right now, but you never know."

So the princess left the wizard office and called the wolf. But the wolf wouldn't talk to her. He just kept playing Tchaikovsky music - over and over again. He was torturing her. The princess was persistent. She listened to his music for 40 minutes. But finally, she gave up and decided to fax AND mail him a letter.

Dear Wolf,

You are an idiot. I do not owe you $2,199.88. You should look at all of my paperwork before you send me threatening letters. Since you seem to be incapable of this, I'm including copies as proof for you. Please leave me alone.

And this is where we're at in our story. Let's hope the the princess and wolf get things worked out.

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